This year represents a segment of my life that I simply cannot comprehend. The 2nd have of the year was even worse, one that I can officially say is a time period that I -- for once -- cannot handle or overcome. Because my health has been on a downward spiral since mid-June, every other part of my life has subsequently worsened. Everything in my life is now on a downward spiral.
Because my health has been in jepoardy this whole time, and I have been experiencing many morbid ailments up to this point, especially on a recurring and/or come-and-go basis, there are many things that I have trouble doing.
Soon, the savings will approach 0; I may have to pay many of the doctor visits and procedures in full (because of insurance denials); I don't have any income besides unemployment coming in; my current roommate may be moving out; I don't have any remedies on the horizon; there are many cerebral- performing things I am having an incredibly tough time performing; and I am continually experiencing various morbid ailments constantly.
I am going to have to either find someone to rent my current home, or sell it altogether. My life went from normal to being in hell every day. I have to avoid so many different foods and liquids. I can no longer drink alcohol, can't just innocently have some chocolate, or "accidentally" eat something really spicy. I can no longer go swimming; can no longer go on long trips, take a plane flight, etc. Wine tasting -- out of the question.
Wherever I am, with whoever I am with, at any point in time, I constantly have to endure the morbid symptoms of difficulty breathing (like something is purposely holding the muscles that contract to allow me to breath in air), mucus or some object always stuck in my throat, the feeling of liquid entering my airway, my eyes always feeling eerie, cold, burning, stinging, and swelling. I'm always seeing double with each eye. Sometimes I will go all day without eating because I am simply not hungry; other days I will be constantly hungry for 1/2 the day. I always have to put pressure on both eye balls because there is an eerie, straining feeling that causes me to have to flex my abdomen and cover my eyes.
What happens when my savings runs out, and i've made all these changes? Will I be homeless? I can't imagine that I won't be homeless. I surely can't stay with my parents. Nor can I stay with other friends. There really is no light at the end of the tunnel. What happens if friends band together to support me financially? It wouldn't do any good because my health is so fragile now, and there isn't any anticipation that it will improve.
The end is truly near, and for the first time in my life, I have no clue as to what to do. I can't help myself, and even if I am able to, it'll be like trying to play in a football game with a sprained shoulder -- you can take a gut check for only so long. You can only play in a game with a separated shoulder for so long. These situations are reserved for those super prized moments where one can suck it up and help the team get through the next 10 minutes, not 50 years!
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